Self Evolution (Someone to Watch Over You)

The most important essence of life is… Evolution.

And I’m not talking about Darwin here. I am talking about you, us, and the rest of the people around the globe.

It’s funny how some people may never realize this at all in their lifetime. To come to this awakening and awareness that you have evolved and will constantly be evolving is euphoric.

It’s actually very simple (If you see it as simple and if you would want to argue with that, that’s fine. You may stop reading).

You were born into this world not by chance, not by “accident” but by this simple thing called fate.

In my case, (now I know I am turning it to me now but it is the best way to analyze and understand things better - by relating your events in life that have molded you into the person that you are right now) when I was born, I was born into the arms of a beautiful couple called my mom and dad. That was, life’s first gift to me.

Some may not even know who their real parents are, some may just grow up with just a parent, and some may have just a speck of memory of who their parents are. Whatever it may be for each of us, I have always believed that God has a plan for everyone. It is whether you’re in for the ride with Him or you’re not.

Just like Rumi said:

Learn the alchemy true human beings know. The moment you accept what troubles you've been given, the door will open.

It’s always easier to think that life hasn’t been fair to you and to put the blame on everything else around you. Blame no one because blame leads to hate and hate blinds you from seeing what God has created for you - be it in the form of a friend, a random person like that nasi lemak seller who just happened to smile at you, a comforting place (such as that little bench in the park that just gives you peace when you sit on it), a pet, a hobby, a talent and the list goes on.

The most valuable lesson that I’ve learned is learning how to be thankful-even for the smallest thing. Such as, well, I fell into a longkang once and I was so thankful that I didn’t die. Okay maybe that wasn’t so simple. I mean, it is possible that someone might die of falling into a longkang but you get my point.

See, I’ve lead what seemed like a normal life but everyone has their own stories. All I can say is that I’ve been tested with tremendous challenges after challenges that when kids my age are busy playing Legos, I’ve began to see that the world ain’t so much of rainbows and butterflies.

Bitterness used to be a part of me. Note the past tense :)

And so the journey of discovery starts. How it ends or how long it takes will depend on your consciousness of self evolution.

Let me summarize an event. Some drama happens in your life. As human you have feelings. Feelings can be very subjective but this is roughly how it goes (in order):

Hurt, Anger, Sadness, Self-Pity, Denial, Resentment, Hate, Acceptance.

Some people may get stuck at Sadness for years, some may move on to the stage and be stuck at Hate for a while but however it may end up for each of us will depend on how you view things. Some may just bounce from Hate to Acceptance then back to Hate again until they reach Acceptance.

Hate and acceptance may seem like a 360 degrees turnaround of state of mind but it can happen with a simple thing – feeling thankful. Cliché as it may sound but I’ve always believed that whatever happens is a valuable lesson. With that, one should be thankful.

Yes, sometimes it gets tiring when life keeps testing you over and over again but heck. If you take a deep breath and look around you, soon you will see that whatever happens, God is always there to watch over you- from the day you were born.

He teaches you valuable life lessons some tough, some easy, but He will always send someone to watch over you.

It is up to you to discover who those people are.

Special thanks to:

-AN for being a sister and family whenever you need to be (the rest of the time you're annoying but I still love you as much)

-M for being you and for being in my life

-TF for pointing out to me about evolution. Live & Inspire. Couldn't have named it better:)
Thanks for sharing your wise words with me, and I shall share them with the rest of the world.
Nature sheds by Tim Fernandez
The toughest of times, usually do you 3 things.
1. it shows you what is real to you.
2. then it shows you who is real to you.
3. then it shows you what you are made of.
More often than not, it prepares you to rise from there on, from your centre with the right people who stuck by you.
Nature works in resonance. It sheds off that which does not resonate with you. Now you grow rightly.

-ZA for randomly showing up to the sound of my keyboard in my dorm room

-AA for finding the voice that was horribly singing "Leaving On A Jet Plane" at V1 Cafe

-Y for being such a big hearted Sully that you are

-ZZ for the crazy 10 years (to-date) of knowing you

-RZ, YH, AI & JG for being such awesome friends since zaman hingus sekolah rendah dan menengah

-KS,TA & KH, big sisters and bro. You guys taught me a lot.

-AR for being the ever mature budak kecik

To the rest of the people the friends that I've met back then,yesterday,now, you know who you are.

Thank you for everything :D

A Thank You Note

To The Schizo No-Balls Dayus,


Thank you for the trust built on lies.
Thank you for always wanting to win.
Thank you for being childish.
Thank you for taking advantage of the love I have to give.
Thank you for being ugly.
Thank you for the false hopes.
Thank you for the deceitful words to make me stay.
Thank you for pretending to be a friend.
Thank you for being insecure.




Thank you for making me a fighter.
Thank you for making me realize that there are sick people like you in this world.
Thank you for making me sympathize instead of hate.
Thank you for making me discover how strong I can be.
Thank you for making me a lot wiser.
Thank you for making me learn how to be happier.

Thank you for living a lie.

10 Things That Amuse/Annoy/Fascinate Me

1. You know those hi-tech toilet bowls where they have so-called "smart sensors" that flush by itself? Hate it when they flush automatically when you just landed your ass on the toilet seat and halfway through doing an important business

2. Blair Waldorf and Serena Van Der Woodson. What kind of friendship is that?

3. In-grown armpit hair. Nuff said.

4. Snobbish store assistants. As if they OWN the shop

5. People who can fit bigass marker pen in their nostrils

6. Men with pink shirt+pink tie+pink shoes

7. Queue jumpers at the Smart Tag lane

8. Tranny manicurist. It's weird when it comes to the hand massaging part, it feels like he/she/whatever is breaking my fingers

9. Pink SKL. It's like inhaling strawberry-smelling air

10. Clouds in the sky that resemble two balls and what seems like a banana in the middle when I was driving back to UTP one fine day. Too bad I forgot to snap a photo of it. Damn

Yes I Was Burned But I Call It A Lesson Learned

Lesson Learned

By: Alicia Keys featuring John Mayer

He broke
My heart
And now it’s raining
Just don’t rub it in
I’m at
Your door
I feel so crazy bout it
You’ll say I told you so
You saw it long ago
You knew he had to go
I finally came around
I’m back on solid ground
Can’t let it get me down

It’s Alright
It’s Alright
It’s Alright

Yes, I was burned but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned but I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it lesson learned
Another lesson learned

Sometimes
Some lies
Can take a minute
To fully realize
His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds
To apologize

You give him one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already knows
You’d give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You’re racing to the door

Can’t take it anymore

I was burned but I call it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned so I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned so I call it lesson learned
Another lesson learned

A Life perfect ain’t perfect if you don’t know what the struggle’s for
Falling down ain’t falling down if you don’t cry when you hit the floor
It’s called the past cause I’m getting past and I ain’t nothing like I was before
You oughta see me now

If I Was In Your Shoes

We humans can be the smartest creatures on earth and yet be very ignorant.


How often do you find yourself swearing at that football player just because he kicked the ball and missed the goal by 2 inches?


How often do you find yourself raising both of your hands in front of the TV saying "What the heck is this guy thinking????" when watching a badminton match.


How often do you find yourself commenting on American Idol as if you're a professional singer and you know everything? (unless you ARE a professional singer then that's a different story)


Now, try this:


1. Before you swear at that football player, think about the gruesome amount of training he has to go through on a daily basis. Also, running around non-stop whilst trying to maintain focus for a good 90 minutes is NOT easy.


2. Before you scream "APA LAAAA!" at that badminton player, please remember no.1. In badminton, it could take more that 90 minutes. Even harder.


3. When watching a singing competition, before you start commenting on:
a. Why is he/she so nervous? Chill lah.
b. Sheessshhh! Why won't he/she move a little?
c. This song is not upbeat enough.
d. Pitching is off.


Try to remember that it takes a lot of courage just to get yourself in the middle of a crowd. To then perform, is another uphill challenge. To focus, to control and manipulate skills, to please the crowd.


See, it is hard to explain until you get to do it yourself. Then most probably, you will say what Adibah Noor once said to me after I performed together with 17 other people at DFP on one fine night:


"It takes A LOT of courage just to get out there and sing. You guys are very, very brave"


So I guess one has to be in another's shoes to understand. Sadly, not everyone knows (or cares about) this.


They'd like to think they are right all the time, throw wise comments and forget to consider about how it is like to be in his/her shoes.

Bizzare? Idiotic? Fantastic?

1. Traffic summon is going to be raised by a fucking 333.33%. That's RM 1,000 instead of RM300. What about the guys who earn a mere RM 1,000 per month? How are they going to pay?? Masuk jail? Just because they answered the phone while driving out of reflex? Maybe soon we'll need to use the golf courses to build jail cells for "Orang yang tak mampu bayar saman sebab saman mahal GILA"- Because there won't be enough space in the existing lock-ups


2. An award given to Sandra Bullock which is for worst actress BTW, was asked to be returned! 


3. With the Hulu Selangor election in progress, WTF are they doing by announcing No. 1


4. My Idol, Daniel Wu, is married!! Huwaaaaa!


Ntah..lantak la. I want to sleep. Goodnight!

Another Song, Another Sleepless Night, Yet Again.

Song of the day. I don't know whether it's good or bad. Whatever.


TRADING AIR 


BY: ATHLETE


Covered ground just to reach your house
I know we need to talk
But I can't catch my thoughts
Insides gripped scared of what you'll think
Words I can't repeat
Could change all we've got

Set it off
Someone better hit the alarm
Set it off
Someone better help me disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you

Trading air once more from the start
I can open up a thousand paper cuts
People hear what they want to hear
But they won't change a thing
No they won't change a thing

Set it off
someone better hit the alarm
Set it off
Someone better help me disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you

Disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you

Disarm myself
I don't want no one else
All I want is you
All I want is you 

The Talents You've Let Go & The Weeds You Left To Grow

Ah well, I can write about this till tomorrow but a picture speaks a thousand words eh?

Fashion Suicide 101: CRIME #1

I don't know about you, but I think they look like vaginas with ribbons.

Odds are the shoe designer is a dude desperately horny and under pressure when he came up with these:p

Or a lesbian. OMG!

Jaded Tokyo Bastard

A friend of mine lent me a book sometime in December last year. It has a picture of a beautiful naked Japanese lady on the cover. Also, the story is about a lesbian who fell in love with this sophisticated older woman. Guys, don't get too excited. In fact, I'm going to spoil it for you. 


She ended up committing suicide. That being not tragic enough, her best friend who was in love with her all along committed suicide too. 'Cause she's lesbian and her best friend is a guy. 


The book is called Sputnik Sweetheart. The first book I read by Haruki Murakami. 


Hated him ever since.


Hey, even 500 Days of Summer has a happy ending. Not that I'm a happy ending loving kind of person but to commit suicide?? WTF.


I guess whatever his life did to him turned him into such a jaded person to the point where he believes that "a dream come true" is too unreal.


The funny thing is that this guy is a dreamer. And too much of a realist. A cynical dreamer. Which is a strange blend of a dreamer and a realist.


That made me realize something.


There are two types of dreamer:
1. The Positive Dreamer
2. The Jaded Bastard


Maybe the reason for the rising suicide cases in Japan HAS to do with Murakami's way of perceiving life. Which sucks.


All I'm trying to say is, if you still believe in happiness, don't read this dude's book. He'll shatter your hopes and dreams and step on it like a hammer on broken pieces of already shattered glass till they turn to dust.


Don't get what I mean?


In a last attempt to reverse my hatred towards Murakami, this friend of mine gave me a fucked up shit short story to read by the Jaded Tokyo Bastard himself.


Honestly, I think he just doesn't have the balls to go after the so-called 100% Perfect Girl. Hence, he let her go. Then maybe kill himself later.


Cheers to that!

The Drive

Like I said, semi-emo night yesterday, Friday night, I'm all alone. Typical drama.

Actually, I wanted to write about "The Drive" home before but then suddenly I teringat makcik-makcik kat gym tu, geram pulak nak tulis pasal diorang.

So anyways, after gym, I went to Juiceworks to get me some juice. Yeah! I couldn't decide on what to order, then I came across this juice mix called Superstar. Ordered it without thinking twice, I didn't even know what fruit they sumbat-ed in there, I just like the name. Reminds me of someone:) Lepas tu terus tak emo dah.

Then I got to my car, pretentious juice called Superstar in the right hand, big ass gym bag in the other, fumbled with my car keys. Got into the car, gym bag, handbag and whatever bags in place, started the engine, got out of the towers.

Pastu emo balik.

HAHAHAHA!

You see, I work in KL, but my home is 37km away, ALL the way in the infamous city called Shah Alam. And YES, I still live with my parents. They built a nice house, for the family they say. And thanks to me for being an Asian, and not having to grow a penis plus a pair of balls, I wasn't allowed to move out. 

Yeah. Tried rebelling, but not worth the hassle. I WOULD 5 years ago, now too mature for that already. Plus, daddy's paying for petrol, so no complaints. OK. Sikit la. Toll mahal GILA OK! Unless I want to wake up at 5am every morning to beat the traffic and use the Federal Highway. No thanks. NOT a morning person.

So, sometimes, after a long day in the office, or too much working out in the gym, or one too many magic drinks, I just wished that I live 5 minutes away. But yesterday, for once, I actually enjoyed the long drive home.

First I got emo when I just got into the car, then I enjoyed the long drive home. You must be thinking that I'm some kinda psycho right? It's called PMS ya'll! Mood swings! Can't control it. At least the last mood to swing in was the I-Enjoy-Driving kinda mood:p

PMS aside, oh, btw, did I tell you I opted for Federal? OMG OMG OMG. It was 9.45pm when I left, it was a Friday so traffic is not too good, not too bad. So when I reached PJ, where the never ending crawl started, for don't know what reason, Andrea Corr's voice came through my car speakers singing Everybody Hurts. I HAVE NO IDEA how The Corrs CD got shoved in the CD player in the first place.

I started to feel the song, you go Andrea! Only a person who's been through the stories of the song can sing it with that kind of emotion. The guitar, percussions, violin, beautiful.

Winding down the car window, I lit a cigarette and just let the night's breeze mess my hair. Everytime Everybody Hurts ended, I hit the rewind button. Again and again (Sebab I tak tau repeat button kat mana. I read it in the manual before but I forgot). Hehe.

Then I started thinking, my crazy relationships' issues? As never ending as they may seem to torment me sometimes, they're not too bad. 

One more thing came to realization was that..not even once, the hardest, toughest, most painful moments of my life, that music did not appear around the corner to help me through.

EVERYBODY HURTS by THE CORRS

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand blow your heads
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand blow your heads (OK. This part is a bit too violent. Makes me laugh everytime:p)
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

And everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone)

How to get your dream bods, Malaysian style!

Semi-emo night yesterday. Friday night. I'm all alone. Typical drama.


Wasted a lot of time at the gym (now my butt hurts and my shoulders ache like a bitch) doing weight training. Ran 4km on the treadmill for half an hour, spent another half an hour in the sauna. Since I went in late, there were no annoying makciks to gossip away in there, with their annoying high-pitched voices, talking about the next bonus and how they cheated on the moves in BodyJam classes. Usually I'll try to ignore. But how can I?? Seriously. All of them are, to me, fat ('cuz I'm a weight OCD). To you, maybe chubby. No, no. Fat. 


They pay average of RM150 monthly for the gym, obviously having imageries of Jolie's or Monica Bellucci's bods in their heads, wishing those were theirs in another 2 months or so. 


So they go, religiously to these group exercises (kalau group senang sikit nak gossip in between the steps and the sit-ups), work out a little at the weight machine, maybe for 50 seconds before giving up on the 2.5kg steel plates, then off they go to the women's changing room for MORE gossip in the sauna. 


Then, tomorrow, time bangun pagi, lapar, pastu breakfast nasi lemak sambal kerang, extra telur goreng. 


PASTU,


Petang, pergi gym, gossip lagi. 


An example of one that I've eavesdropped (can't help it, too entertaining):


Chubby Lady A: Eh, ko dah jumpa dah *insert a girl's name* tu?
Fat Lady B: Ada! Ada! Hari tu aku jumpa dia! Ehhhh, dia dah kurus la!!!
Chubby Lady A: Tula kan! Tapi dia tak pergi gym pun. Kita yang pergi gym ni tak kurus-kurus pun!!


Gee, I wonder why.

Cocoon

Cocoon by Jack Johnson


Well based on your smile,
I'm betting all of this,
Might be over soon.

But you're bound to win,
Cause if I'm betting against you,
I think I'd rather lose.

But this is all that I have.
So please..
Take what's left of this heart and use,
Please use only what you really need.
You know I only have so little,
So please..
Mend your broken heart and leave.


I know it's not your style,
I can tell by the way that you move,
It's real, real soon.

But I'm on your side,
And I don't want to be your regret,
I'd rather be your cocoon.

But this is all that you have

So please..

Let me take what's left of your heart and I will use,
I swear I'll use only what I need,
I know you only have so little,
So please..
Let me mend my broken heart and LEAVE.

You said this was all you had,
And it's all I need,
But blah blah blah..
Because it fell apart.

And I guess it's all you knew,

And all I have,

But now we have
Only confused hearts.

I guess all we have,

Is really all we need.

So please..
Let's take these broken hearts and use,
Let's use only what we really need,
You know we only have so little,
So please..
Take these broken hearts and leave.

Dreams Dreams

Dreams, dreams.

Wish we could’ve had it the other way,

We’d be fucking brilliant together you’d say.

Then why’d you have to go away?

Dreams, dreams.

Mess my mind without a sound,

The smell of you came around,

Crashed my sanity to the ground.

Again, and again. Rub in the pain.

Dreams, dreams.

Why don’t you go away?

I don’t believe in your devious play,

Your nicely wrapped rainbow clay.

Dreams, dreams.

We’d be walking around holding hands,

Laughing, smiling, making plans,

In another place, another time- we're the superstars of Sundance.

-for my precious ass hole,

Love AJ.