Jaded Tokyo Bastard

A friend of mine lent me a book sometime in December last year. It has a picture of a beautiful naked Japanese lady on the cover. Also, the story is about a lesbian who fell in love with this sophisticated older woman. Guys, don't get too excited. In fact, I'm going to spoil it for you. 


She ended up committing suicide. That being not tragic enough, her best friend who was in love with her all along committed suicide too. 'Cause she's lesbian and her best friend is a guy. 


The book is called Sputnik Sweetheart. The first book I read by Haruki Murakami. 


Hated him ever since.


Hey, even 500 Days of Summer has a happy ending. Not that I'm a happy ending loving kind of person but to commit suicide?? WTF.


I guess whatever his life did to him turned him into such a jaded person to the point where he believes that "a dream come true" is too unreal.


The funny thing is that this guy is a dreamer. And too much of a realist. A cynical dreamer. Which is a strange blend of a dreamer and a realist.


That made me realize something.


There are two types of dreamer:
1. The Positive Dreamer
2. The Jaded Bastard


Maybe the reason for the rising suicide cases in Japan HAS to do with Murakami's way of perceiving life. Which sucks.


All I'm trying to say is, if you still believe in happiness, don't read this dude's book. He'll shatter your hopes and dreams and step on it like a hammer on broken pieces of already shattered glass till they turn to dust.


Don't get what I mean?


In a last attempt to reverse my hatred towards Murakami, this friend of mine gave me a fucked up shit short story to read by the Jaded Tokyo Bastard himself.


Honestly, I think he just doesn't have the balls to go after the so-called 100% Perfect Girl. Hence, he let her go. Then maybe kill himself later.


Cheers to that!

The Drive

Like I said, semi-emo night yesterday, Friday night, I'm all alone. Typical drama.

Actually, I wanted to write about "The Drive" home before but then suddenly I teringat makcik-makcik kat gym tu, geram pulak nak tulis pasal diorang.

So anyways, after gym, I went to Juiceworks to get me some juice. Yeah! I couldn't decide on what to order, then I came across this juice mix called Superstar. Ordered it without thinking twice, I didn't even know what fruit they sumbat-ed in there, I just like the name. Reminds me of someone:) Lepas tu terus tak emo dah.

Then I got to my car, pretentious juice called Superstar in the right hand, big ass gym bag in the other, fumbled with my car keys. Got into the car, gym bag, handbag and whatever bags in place, started the engine, got out of the towers.

Pastu emo balik.

HAHAHAHA!

You see, I work in KL, but my home is 37km away, ALL the way in the infamous city called Shah Alam. And YES, I still live with my parents. They built a nice house, for the family they say. And thanks to me for being an Asian, and not having to grow a penis plus a pair of balls, I wasn't allowed to move out. 

Yeah. Tried rebelling, but not worth the hassle. I WOULD 5 years ago, now too mature for that already. Plus, daddy's paying for petrol, so no complaints. OK. Sikit la. Toll mahal GILA OK! Unless I want to wake up at 5am every morning to beat the traffic and use the Federal Highway. No thanks. NOT a morning person.

So, sometimes, after a long day in the office, or too much working out in the gym, or one too many magic drinks, I just wished that I live 5 minutes away. But yesterday, for once, I actually enjoyed the long drive home.

First I got emo when I just got into the car, then I enjoyed the long drive home. You must be thinking that I'm some kinda psycho right? It's called PMS ya'll! Mood swings! Can't control it. At least the last mood to swing in was the I-Enjoy-Driving kinda mood:p

PMS aside, oh, btw, did I tell you I opted for Federal? OMG OMG OMG. It was 9.45pm when I left, it was a Friday so traffic is not too good, not too bad. So when I reached PJ, where the never ending crawl started, for don't know what reason, Andrea Corr's voice came through my car speakers singing Everybody Hurts. I HAVE NO IDEA how The Corrs CD got shoved in the CD player in the first place.

I started to feel the song, you go Andrea! Only a person who's been through the stories of the song can sing it with that kind of emotion. The guitar, percussions, violin, beautiful.

Winding down the car window, I lit a cigarette and just let the night's breeze mess my hair. Everytime Everybody Hurts ended, I hit the rewind button. Again and again (Sebab I tak tau repeat button kat mana. I read it in the manual before but I forgot). Hehe.

Then I started thinking, my crazy relationships' issues? As never ending as they may seem to torment me sometimes, they're not too bad. 

One more thing came to realization was that..not even once, the hardest, toughest, most painful moments of my life, that music did not appear around the corner to help me through.

EVERYBODY HURTS by THE CORRS

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand blow your heads
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand blow your heads (OK. This part is a bit too violent. Makes me laugh everytime:p)
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts
Sometimes

And everybody hurts
Sometimes

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone)

How to get your dream bods, Malaysian style!

Semi-emo night yesterday. Friday night. I'm all alone. Typical drama.


Wasted a lot of time at the gym (now my butt hurts and my shoulders ache like a bitch) doing weight training. Ran 4km on the treadmill for half an hour, spent another half an hour in the sauna. Since I went in late, there were no annoying makciks to gossip away in there, with their annoying high-pitched voices, talking about the next bonus and how they cheated on the moves in BodyJam classes. Usually I'll try to ignore. But how can I?? Seriously. All of them are, to me, fat ('cuz I'm a weight OCD). To you, maybe chubby. No, no. Fat. 


They pay average of RM150 monthly for the gym, obviously having imageries of Jolie's or Monica Bellucci's bods in their heads, wishing those were theirs in another 2 months or so. 


So they go, religiously to these group exercises (kalau group senang sikit nak gossip in between the steps and the sit-ups), work out a little at the weight machine, maybe for 50 seconds before giving up on the 2.5kg steel plates, then off they go to the women's changing room for MORE gossip in the sauna. 


Then, tomorrow, time bangun pagi, lapar, pastu breakfast nasi lemak sambal kerang, extra telur goreng. 


PASTU,


Petang, pergi gym, gossip lagi. 


An example of one that I've eavesdropped (can't help it, too entertaining):


Chubby Lady A: Eh, ko dah jumpa dah *insert a girl's name* tu?
Fat Lady B: Ada! Ada! Hari tu aku jumpa dia! Ehhhh, dia dah kurus la!!!
Chubby Lady A: Tula kan! Tapi dia tak pergi gym pun. Kita yang pergi gym ni tak kurus-kurus pun!!


Gee, I wonder why.

Cocoon

Cocoon by Jack Johnson


Well based on your smile,
I'm betting all of this,
Might be over soon.

But you're bound to win,
Cause if I'm betting against you,
I think I'd rather lose.

But this is all that I have.
So please..
Take what's left of this heart and use,
Please use only what you really need.
You know I only have so little,
So please..
Mend your broken heart and leave.


I know it's not your style,
I can tell by the way that you move,
It's real, real soon.

But I'm on your side,
And I don't want to be your regret,
I'd rather be your cocoon.

But this is all that you have

So please..

Let me take what's left of your heart and I will use,
I swear I'll use only what I need,
I know you only have so little,
So please..
Let me mend my broken heart and LEAVE.

You said this was all you had,
And it's all I need,
But blah blah blah..
Because it fell apart.

And I guess it's all you knew,

And all I have,

But now we have
Only confused hearts.

I guess all we have,

Is really all we need.

So please..
Let's take these broken hearts and use,
Let's use only what we really need,
You know we only have so little,
So please..
Take these broken hearts and leave.

Dreams Dreams

Dreams, dreams.

Wish we could’ve had it the other way,

We’d be fucking brilliant together you’d say.

Then why’d you have to go away?

Dreams, dreams.

Mess my mind without a sound,

The smell of you came around,

Crashed my sanity to the ground.

Again, and again. Rub in the pain.

Dreams, dreams.

Why don’t you go away?

I don’t believe in your devious play,

Your nicely wrapped rainbow clay.

Dreams, dreams.

We’d be walking around holding hands,

Laughing, smiling, making plans,

In another place, another time- we're the superstars of Sundance.

-for my precious ass hole,

Love AJ.

Chasing Pavements

For those of you who listen to Adele, yes, I shamelessly stole the title off her song.

She's too inspiring for me not to use her song title. I mean, Chasing Pavements? Who the heck would've thought of that? She's so cool to have made sense by just singing those two words.

Ah well, technically, I'm turning 24 in another 48 hours yet here I am, depressed, writing this stupid blog that no one reads at freaking 11.55pm on a freaking weekday knowing that I have to wake up at 6am with a hangover. FYI, I'm fully sober despite the LIT, Bailey's and some Irish green thingy which I have no freaking idea what the hell was in it.

I gotta stop all these. I know. And it ain't helping with my diet plan either.

It's one of those days when you feel that nothing works anymore and you gotta move on. But how?

To describe in short, let's use the help of James Morrison.

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small 

I've been drawing the line and watching it fall 

You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart 

Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart  

Well I can't explain why it's not enough 

'Cause I gave it all to you 

And if you leave me now Oh just leave me now 

It's the better thing to do  It's time to surrender 

It's been too long pretending 

There's no use in trying 

When the pieces don't fit anymore 

The pieces don't fit here anymore  

Well you pulled me under so I had to give in 

Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin 

Well I hide all the bruises, I hide all the damage that's done 

But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone   

Well I can't explain why it's not enough 

'Cause I gave it all to you And if you leave me now 

Oh just leave me now It's the better thing to do  

Well it's time to surrender It's too long pretending 

There's no use in trying When the pieces don't fit anymore 

The pieces don't fit anymore  Oh don't misunderstand how I feel 

'Cause I've tried, yes I've tried 

But still I don't know why 

No I don't know why I don't know why  

The pieces don't fit anymore.

So, in conclusion, Adele and James Morrison ROCK! 

Goodnight world. Wish you all happiness:)

Is Money Really Everything?

So I was at the airport waiting for my flight and my phone made an annoying sound that forced me to read the SMS that was coming in. It read:

"Is money really everything, and can it buy happiness?"

I was like, now that was random. Hence, I replied;

"Well, money is certainly NOT everything and it can only buy TEMPORARY happiness and the ultimate happiness is to find someone who's 99.9% compatible to share your wealth with."

NOTE: Just in case you're wondering what the hell TEMPORARY happiness meant, its the kinda high that you get when you've always wanted that Gucci bag and then you finally got it:) Usually, the high withers after 48hours or so.

Obviously the reply I got next was:

"That's even more confusing, but thanks."

To those who are working to earn a living, I'm sure this question popped in your head at least once. Everyone wants more money. New car, a big house, diamond rings, an 8,000 bucks gold plated pen and the list goes on.

The more you earn, the more you spend.

Imagine having EVERYTHING. And I mean, EVEEERRRYYTHINGGGG. Designer clothes, designer bags, designer furnitures, a tennis court in you own home, Ferraris, home cinema, big ass jacuzzi pool, everything LAH. But, despite all the luxuries, you're alone. What's the point?

OK. So some might argue, assuming a dude, he'd say, "Women will always want me what? I very rich wann. Can buy her whatever she wants."

Yeah sure, of course she would want him. But only because of his money-not because of a person he is. He can buy a hot supermodel girlfriend, a wife even, but he can never buy love.

Which boils down to cliche - The ultimate happiness is to be able to love someone unconditionally and be loved back.

No love, no happiness.

So at last I replied:

"I guess the answer to both of your questions would be - NO."